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Super procrastination

I've been meaning to update for a while now but the fact is, I'm not really into blogger. I love wordpress A LOT. Sorry blogger.

So I decided to go back and make a website. I'll just redirect this to there, so it'll be easier. (:

In the meantime though, I won't be updating this.

Got to stop procrastinating.

Severe headache

I'm having one heck of a headache because even my eyeballs hurt. If i look left, right, up or down by just using my eyes, it fucking hurts.

I'm screwed for school tomorrow.

This sucks

Ever since one incident, I'm worried for every argument I have. Now I have this argument with my friend and I don't know, I feel weird now. As if, all that was easily just broken and shattered.

That's how I feel. The uncomfortable feeling, you know? This sucks. Cause I'm going back to the same feeling as before. Fuck.

Acapella

Ever since I joined acapella, It's as if my world is surrounded by acapella. It's kind of cool. :D

Anyway, I got into Acapella; Rhapsody in my school (RP). I apparently am an alto. Lower voice of a female. That sucks. I have a deep voice. I sound like a guy! hahaha

The whole acapella thing was cool though, when I went for it for the first time.

Seriously?

I know I should be thankful, grateful and all the good stuff about having such great ones. Having ones that give me most of what I want and need regardless of anything. However, sometimes, I honestly can't be that grateful or whatever godly good stuff I should be.

I got an advice that if I want to be closer to them, I should do something about it. Like for example, tell them something I feel, complain to them about something that happened to school. You know, fill them in on the details?

BUT IT DOESN'T WORK!

I just did exactly that just now. I told them I got inside Acapella. I swear this is how the whole conversation went:

Me: Hey, I got something to say. *pause* I got into Acapella.

Them: what?

Me: I got inside Acapella

Them: what?! *getting frustrated*

Me: I got in-side A-ca-pe-lla

Them: You got accepted in acapella? what is acapella?

Me: You know, the audition I went for before? The one I told you about?

Them: So you got ACCEPTED in acapella then. Hey what is that? *points to food*

And that's it, I just said, I'm going to the office tomorrow cause I need to buy medicine and they were like wtf? Not actual wtf, but you know.

So it's like, it didn't work. Trying to make them know about my life. definitely did not work.

I don't know whether to be happy or sad about it. I mean, think about it. They don't want to know my life, so as long as I don't come home late, I can do whatever I want. But i'm sad about it.

I want to be close to them like those other people out there, or like at least have them asking me stuff like, "so how's your life? anything new? tell me anything, I'm open"

Like you know, act as a best friend like what she once said.

All bullshit. They treat him so nice but I'm treated the total opposite. If i ever inquire about it, they'll go, "oh you're a girl" bullshit.

He can go out anytime or any day he wants, consecutively even! But if I try to do that too, I can't. Why? cause i ask money from them. Well, sorry for having limited confidence in myself to go out and make a name for myself. No offense, but you played a part in it too. Dude, I had no support when I have to do things.

Well, actually, not totally no support, I got support when I finally went out to look for a job, why? Cause they want me to stop using their money. Kay' fine, they want me to be independent, but cmon, they should know why I'm kinda reluctant in doing so. HELLO? SO MUCH FOR BEING IN MY LIFE?

Heck, their stupid agency is their stupid fucking life. They care more about their staff than about me. Tell me i'm wrong and give me a reason too because I know no one can say that. 'cause everyone can see it, they just think i'm too dumb to think that way.

They complain I don't care. DO THEY CARE ABOUT MY LIFE? NO? SO WHY SHOULD I? I TRIED CARING AND THEY DIDN'T GIVE TWO HOOTS ABOUT IT.

They wonder why I get irritated so easily?

Tell me why when you get ignored all the time too.

They say, "why are you angry? nobody's fighting with you"

WHY? I'LL TELL YOU!

Nobody's fighting with me because nobody's fucking listening to me.

Everytime I say something, it's probably wrong, so let's ignore her. Fuck, my whole life, I get ignored. I get asked to do stupid things when he can do it also. I get asked to carry heavy stuff while he don't need to carry anything. HOW FAIR IS THAT?

AND YOU TELL ME YOU LOVE US BOTH EQUALLY? REALLY NOW? I FIND THAT SOOOOO HARD TO BELIEVE. TYVM

I fucking hate this sometimes.

I LOVE YOU BOTH DEARLY, BUT SOMETIMES, REMEMBER THAT I HAVE FEELINGS TOO. REALLY, I HAVE FEELINGS THAT I DON'T SAY BUT IT REALLY HURTS ME. I CAN'T SAY IT TO ANYONE BECAUSE NO ONE WILL REALLY UNDERSTAND YEA. AND I DON'T WANT TO APPEAR AS SOMEONE WHO DON'T APPRECIATE THINGS. OR UNFILIAL OR WHAT CRAP.

Honestly, I can't be unfilial. Who fucking remembers the important days in your/our lives? Who fucking bother to do something? Who fucking dislike it if you guys starts to argue? Who fucking ignore everything when turmoils starts occurring in the house? Well, you guys probably won't think that way, you'll probably go, "nah, since when do you do such stuff?"

fuck, you guys don't know me.

Would you believe?

If I say that I wear specs?

Acer kinda blows

The charging part of the laptop is fucked up. My dad bought a new charger and it still won't charge properly. Fucked up much? ):

I'm going to the service center tomorrow with my mother to get it repaired. I'm going with my mother because I don't have the proof of purchase, so hehe, she'll help me speak? I'm scared. I'm a shy, scared, quiet girl alright?

Intimidation

Intimidation = not me

When I feel intimidated, I go back to the shell I carry on my back. I become introverted again and I'll just keep to myself unless probed.

I really hate feeling intimidated but I don't know.

I want to see how it'll be like. To work with a person that intimidates you so much for some reason you have no idea because you've never even talked to the person.

I hate feeling belittled. Fuck that.

I miss the holidays already

School started, hence the title. It's not so bad really. It's more into art now. Which totally kills me.

Why?

Cause my parents didn't pass on the "art" genes to me. Why you think I opted for F&N?

Shucks. It was kind of stressing, the module on Friday. I was telling Fizz that I would never look forward to Friday ever again. ):

Anyway, I was an SL (student leader) for the STA camp and the FOP for this year, 2010.

I swear, I am doomed cause in most of the pictures I was in, I look fucking horrible. Fuck. Yes, I do know I shouldn't swear. Bite me.

In pictures, it's either I'm not happy, or I look fucking retarded.

Like I said, I'm doomed.

Die alone with 27 cats, dogs, mice, goldfishes, luohans, hamsters.

I'll probably die alone in my big house (make me at least feel happy about my life) and no one would know. They'd walk past and smell some awful stench then think, "oh ya, she has dozens of animals. It must be their shits," and they walk away.

The moment people realized that I haven't been coming out, they'll do a search on the house and find my skeletons on the ground.

That's how long they'll take to find me.

Ohwell, it's a pure rant post anyway. (:

I know if I want to happy, I need to manouver my life into the happiness road myself. No one would do that for me. (: It's cool. I can act. (:

School's about to start

I just realized that I'll be busy from tomorrow onwards. I'll be out with friends tomorrow and the day after would be the camps or orientation in school. Watch out freshies! Or at least what I hope will happen.

Anyway, I swear off cuss words for a week. Cuss words meaning that I won't get to say my tagline: fuck you.

Wish me success but I know a number are probably going, "she won't last a minute."

I have a favourite author

And she's called (please highlight or hover over it to see because it's a link too)

Jennifer Crusie

I simply love all of her books!

Words enough cannot describe how much I'm addicted to her books. Well... actually that pretty much sum it up.

I love her books as much as I love Owl city! FUCK YES! I SO HAPPY TO HAVE FAVOURITES! :D for once! So i'm not that weird after all! YESSSS!!

ps/ Yes, I know i'm a bookworm.

My favourite dish in Singapore

Insomnia

I'm cursed. I've always known I was but I was deluding myself and saying,

You're alright elora, you're not cursed. You're just difficulty. No wait... Special!

Fuck yeah, I'm special! What a load of bull. I'm not special. I'm cursed. Right from the beginning.

I was on my bed today, well yesterday, it's midnight now, from 11pm to 1am. That's 2 hours of doing nothing but lie lifeless on the bed. Or seemingly lifeless.

I did do research on this fucking illness.

I found out this solution that makes this certain person sleep and I thought, at first, that it works because I yawned after trying that solution. It all went downhill from there.

Step 1: Close your eyes.

Did that. Pretty easy step.

Step 2: Empty your mind of EVERYTHING

Okayyyy, still no problem.

Step 3: Inhale and Exhale deeply and count each breathing

1...2...3...4...5...

That's it!

WTF? REALLY? I thought. FUCKING EASY TO THE MAX! I thought wrong.

I tried it out since then and it fucking lied to me. I can't sleep AT ALL. It's the same method as counting sheeps. Counting sheeps don't make you fall asleep, it enhances your mathematical counting. I should have stopped when it said "count". It was suspicious enough.

I repel math. I used to love math but hey, love for subjects comes and goes just like how school comes and goes. Cruel but it's life.

I found some general recommendation to ease my problem with sleeping and wow, they're real helpful.

Like I never tried that one. But WAIT WHAT?

UM... I know I screen-shot it but ... let's skip it.

Been there, tried that.EXACTLY MY POINT! So now I'm up. Fuck, I'm dead. The same thing will happen tomorrow and it's a vicious cycle.

SOMEONE FUCKING LIFT THE CURSE PLEASE.

Manila

I reckon, I owe a blog post because I haven't updated this in a while. Not a month yet but still.

So I went to Philippines like a month ago, I think? It was during february anyway.

I had the experience of a lifetime, or maybe I'm exaggerating on that part but what I'm going to type next isn't an exaggeration. I swear, it's the truth and that's how I experienced it. Some might say it's frightening but really, it's just how the whole country works I think. I got used to it after sometime. I dare say, I kind of like it even.

So, what i'm going to talk about is the roads.

You know how singapore's roads are.

It's wide and it looks really organized. Heck, look at the trees and flowers in the picture. It's like paradise. Well, to me.

Even if the number of cars increase, it still look organized, doesn't it?

So let's look at the traffic jams Singapore has:

Dude, that's a lot of cars! And I know, I wouldn't go calling this organize anymore but at least the people follow rules here. They're still in their lanes and whatnot.

Let's look at the traffic jams in Philippines then?

I bet, you're saying that, that's not that bad right? It still looks organized, just that the vehicles look wacky. Just because you never see them in Singapore.

Up close and it'll be like this. Okay, it doesn't look too bad but really, if you were in that traffic jam, IT WOULD BE BAD! You know why?

1. They ALL go at fast speed. Faster than those in Malaysia (when my family went on a family road trip to KL).
2. They honk nonstop. The horns in the vehicles there are overused and should be given a day-off!
3. They cut whenever they see a small space in between the cars.
4. Have someone give way to you there, is kind of ... unusual and rare.
5. Some of the lines on the road have faded (you're lucky this road has them).
6. Every driver there is a master in overtaking cars. And I mean EVERY driver.

Well, to me, all these reasons are kind of intimidating. Especially if you've been in Singapore for a while already.

this is a more specific picture of the roads there. Look at the roads, no line. And the jam seem to take forever.

What did I say about the overtaking? I seriously meant EVERY drivers. Even bus drivers are specialized in overtaking.

But actually, I quite liked it.

I could sleep long for the traffic jam. Plug in my earpieces and I'm good to go. Sleepyland.

The speed was nice. I love speed. I have this desire to go fast in life, just not too fast 'cause I don't want to die yet.

And things there, I didn't see in Singapore.

When I went to my grandma's place, we had to go through a bridge that looks like this:

Kinda scary but it opened my eye. That's a vehicle called tricycle. Nice to ride on.

If I could go back to Philippines, I would. The things are cheap there. I felt rich for the first time in my life. Probably the last but hey, I can die a little happier.

I want to go back and try the food vendors there. The one selling by the road and stuff. I want to eat the "taho" also known as beancurd. DAMN NICE! And the fishballs, I failed to try because my parent didn't let since it might be dirty and dangerous to the health. But I really want to try it.

I liked Philippines regardless though. I loved it there. Everyone is so friendly! I LOVE IT!

Don't go into the light

I've been in the hospital for 2 days, with my brother, caring for my father. He underwent surgery and everything's good now. He's recovering.

So after a while, it gets boring. So I camwhored a little. It's so bright ain't it? HAHA awesome aye!

But in reality, it's actually this dark:

I had a number of awesome topics in my mind to blog about actually but I don't have like the mood now to blog. I just want to play maple. HAHA

Shucks.

Today...

I basically lazed around at home. I barely even took a shower now. hurhur

I was on the phone with "Jane" (also known as Fazlyn) and after some really delayed talking, we got high abot Maple and playing it. For the whole day, we were downloading Maplestory. REALLY! Don't judge us.

What got us even more excited is the new stuff in Maplestory. The new characters, basically. Look at this:

COOL OR WHAT?

We get to be cute characters with light-coloured hair!

Tell me it's cool!

Yes, I know that sometimes I tend to sound like a dork.

This made me choose to make this kind of character once I downloaded maple:

It's such a freaking cool trick! LOOK AT THAT. There's a freaking wolf head on it. Awesome!

So while waiting for the game to be downloaded, I went to do another geeky thing.

READ!

It's a 280-paged book. I finished reading it the whole day, well half a day. No, i'm not boasting... okay, maybe a little.

It's actually a, in a way, good book. If you like romantic books, the ones typical girls read, then I bet you'll like this book. Borrow it in the nearest library around you. *wink*

To go or not to go

I thought we'd be going to philippines today or tomorrow, but still here! Sadly.

My mother said that the plan was for at least 5 days, so she asks us, "do we really want to stay in philippines for 5 days? Another the hot scorching weather?"

To which, obviously, my brother shook his head. I would to but I actually really want to go back to philippines and see our cousins. I mean, get together with them again. They are after all family. I think my brother feels the same but the weather climate kind of overpowered that. Singapore's hot, but philippines is HOT! Get the difference?

We might be going to philippines (if we really do go) on 19th feb till 24th feb. It's like almost a week there. I said almost.

My class were planning a photography outing at ubin. The place I've NEVER EVER been and my parents and bro beats me to it. They've all been there, except me. Yes, it's depressing, my life about the places i've been to I mean.

Oh well, if we end up going on 19th, I'll be able to go for the outing, if not, then I doubt I will be. Ugh, this isn't exactly a dilenma but heck, IT IS FOR ME.

Valentine's day

And I'll be celebrating it alone but with a homewarming party. My mother is going to have a homewarming party to celebrate our moving into a new house and her birthday.

Awesome or what?

Quite sucky

It's quite sucky sometimes when you hope for one thing to happen and you know it won't ever happen but you still have that inch of hope in you. As much as you try to stop yourself from hoping, you still do. It's a vicious neverending cycle.

How you wish to go to the past and go back and relive the times you enjoyed so much? Just one more shot. How you wish for it so badly? But it never comes alive.

Yet, you still hope for it to come true.