Super procrastination

I've been meaning to update for a while now but the fact is, I'm not really into blogger. I love wordpress A LOT. Sorry blogger.

So I decided to go back and make a website. I'll just redirect this to there, so it'll be easier. (:

In the meantime though, I won't be updating this.

Got to stop procrastinating.

Severe headache

I'm having one heck of a headache because even my eyeballs hurt. If i look left, right, up or down by just using my eyes, it fucking hurts.

I'm screwed for school tomorrow.

This sucks

Ever since one incident, I'm worried for every argument I have. Now I have this argument with my friend and I don't know, I feel weird now. As if, all that was easily just broken and shattered.

That's how I feel. The uncomfortable feeling, you know? This sucks. Cause I'm going back to the same feeling as before. Fuck.

Acapella

Ever since I joined acapella, It's as if my world is surrounded by acapella. It's kind of cool. :D

Anyway, I got into Acapella; Rhapsody in my school (RP). I apparently am an alto. Lower voice of a female. That sucks. I have a deep voice. I sound like a guy! hahaha

The whole acapella thing was cool though, when I went for it for the first time.

Seriously?

I know I should be thankful, grateful and all the good stuff about having such great ones. Having ones that give me most of what I want and need regardless of anything. However, sometimes, I honestly can't be that grateful or whatever godly good stuff I should be.

I got an advice that if I want to be closer to them, I should do something about it. Like for example, tell them something I feel, complain to them about something that happened to school. You know, fill them in on the details?

BUT IT DOESN'T WORK!

I just did exactly that just now. I told them I got inside Acapella. I swear this is how the whole conversation went:

Me: Hey, I got something to say. *pause* I got into Acapella.

Them: what?

Me: I got inside Acapella

Them: what?! *getting frustrated*

Me: I got in-side A-ca-pe-lla

Them: You got accepted in acapella? what is acapella?

Me: You know, the audition I went for before? The one I told you about?

Them: So you got ACCEPTED in acapella then. Hey what is that? *points to food*

And that's it, I just said, I'm going to the office tomorrow cause I need to buy medicine and they were like wtf? Not actual wtf, but you know.

So it's like, it didn't work. Trying to make them know about my life. definitely did not work.

I don't know whether to be happy or sad about it. I mean, think about it. They don't want to know my life, so as long as I don't come home late, I can do whatever I want. But i'm sad about it.

I want to be close to them like those other people out there, or like at least have them asking me stuff like, "so how's your life? anything new? tell me anything, I'm open"

Like you know, act as a best friend like what she once said.

All bullshit. They treat him so nice but I'm treated the total opposite. If i ever inquire about it, they'll go, "oh you're a girl" bullshit.

He can go out anytime or any day he wants, consecutively even! But if I try to do that too, I can't. Why? cause i ask money from them. Well, sorry for having limited confidence in myself to go out and make a name for myself. No offense, but you played a part in it too. Dude, I had no support when I have to do things.

Well, actually, not totally no support, I got support when I finally went out to look for a job, why? Cause they want me to stop using their money. Kay' fine, they want me to be independent, but cmon, they should know why I'm kinda reluctant in doing so. HELLO? SO MUCH FOR BEING IN MY LIFE?

Heck, their stupid agency is their stupid fucking life. They care more about their staff than about me. Tell me i'm wrong and give me a reason too because I know no one can say that. 'cause everyone can see it, they just think i'm too dumb to think that way.

They complain I don't care. DO THEY CARE ABOUT MY LIFE? NO? SO WHY SHOULD I? I TRIED CARING AND THEY DIDN'T GIVE TWO HOOTS ABOUT IT.

They wonder why I get irritated so easily?

Tell me why when you get ignored all the time too.

They say, "why are you angry? nobody's fighting with you"

WHY? I'LL TELL YOU!

Nobody's fighting with me because nobody's fucking listening to me.

Everytime I say something, it's probably wrong, so let's ignore her. Fuck, my whole life, I get ignored. I get asked to do stupid things when he can do it also. I get asked to carry heavy stuff while he don't need to carry anything. HOW FAIR IS THAT?

AND YOU TELL ME YOU LOVE US BOTH EQUALLY? REALLY NOW? I FIND THAT SOOOOO HARD TO BELIEVE. TYVM

I fucking hate this sometimes.

I LOVE YOU BOTH DEARLY, BUT SOMETIMES, REMEMBER THAT I HAVE FEELINGS TOO. REALLY, I HAVE FEELINGS THAT I DON'T SAY BUT IT REALLY HURTS ME. I CAN'T SAY IT TO ANYONE BECAUSE NO ONE WILL REALLY UNDERSTAND YEA. AND I DON'T WANT TO APPEAR AS SOMEONE WHO DON'T APPRECIATE THINGS. OR UNFILIAL OR WHAT CRAP.

Honestly, I can't be unfilial. Who fucking remembers the important days in your/our lives? Who fucking bother to do something? Who fucking dislike it if you guys starts to argue? Who fucking ignore everything when turmoils starts occurring in the house? Well, you guys probably won't think that way, you'll probably go, "nah, since when do you do such stuff?"

fuck, you guys don't know me.

Would you believe?

If I say that I wear specs?